Thursday, June 30, 2011

Transformation slideshow

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Post I found on my facebook

Thinking

by Rachel Perez on Tuesday, June 15, 2010 at 1:21pm
So I'm considering writing again... not poetry not that I don't feel inspired or have a muse it's just not what I feel like writing right now... I've been thinking a lot of how far I have come and how far I haven't come.... I know that a lot of people say I have so much to be grateful for and this I do.
I had my surgery in Nov of 2007 after about 7 years of struggling to find a way to get medical coverage to do it. It took me moving to another state and going through much testing and 3 doctors and be in the hospital drowning in my own fluids for reality to hit the healthcare system that hey this woman needs help. I have always been overweight, then obese, then morbildy obese then super morbidly obese. I weighed 700+ lbs at one time. Yes my family was always on my back about my weight and that just made me want to not try. You know when someone constantly bugs you about something and it makes you not want to do it? yeah that was me...

So at 28 years old I was admitted to the hospital with congestive heart failure, pulmonary edema, and very severe sleep apnea so much as to I stopped breathing 59 times in 1 hour. No wonder I was waking up with massive lack of oxygen headaches. The day I had surgery I weighed in at 564 lbs. After the first 3 months I had lost 103 lbs.. I was ecstatic yes feeling better and more alive each day. After the first year I lost 176 lbs making it a total of 312 lbs lost.. I got as high as 420 lbs lost but I have since I was at my lowest of 285 lbs gained about 50 or so.. I keep gaining and losing the same 5 to 10 lbs due to water retention if I don't take my water pill.. Today I weighed in at 343 lbs.. yes I finally admitted it.. I am not perfect I am human.. I've been hiding in the shadows for a while now for the past few months due to the shame, feeling like a failure, but I know that there are so many in my same place in the same situation struggling.... I just get up again each day and try harder. I am going to physical therapy for pinched nerves and trying to work excercise into my life and hopefully that will help. Now that I got all this off my chest I feel a bit better and maybe this will keep me more on track and I will have more people to encourage me.. :) Thank you for whoever is reading this, thank you for listening...

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Nerves are kicking in..

So I have a surgery date of August 3, 2011. Today I got the call for the date of my pre op testing... yeah... now is when the nerves kick in... 
I know that this surgery will make me feel better, my back in general. If you have ever been pregnant then you know what a strain that it takes on your back no I'm not pregnant lol... I just have 25+lb of excess skin hanging off my waist. I'm also not looking forward to the weeks of pain... I am pretty much always in pain but... I don't know how different this will be... 

Monday, June 27, 2011

All those lies


 
All these years, All those lies...
How can you say 'I love you' as you look in to my eyes?
How can you sit there and cry
as if you really mean those words you say,
when inside you are laughing at this game that you play...

Even though I didn't totally trust you,
I gave you my heart...
but you didn't care with your lies you tore it apart.
The lying and the cheating,
saying you'd always be mine.
So many others, I don't even know how you found the time.

All the emotions you've played with,
all the hearts that you've broken.
Telling me things that to another
you've already spoken.
What did I ever do to deserve what you've done?
To be used and abused all for your fun.

It's not what you've done,
but the lies that you've told.
You've done nothing but hurt me,
yet you act so cold.

Now that your fun has come to an end
and the game you've been playing is lost...
You'll realize one day when your crying and alone,
that you're the one who's paying the cost.
By Poet730   (About Poet730) 

My heart won't let...

I want to believe you, 
but my heart just won't let.
I want to forgive you,
but my mind won't forget.
I want to take your word
that you're sorry for all you've done.
I want to believe you when you say
you were immature and only wanted to have fun. 


I wish you knew the pain I felt
when you left me all alone.
I wish I could count the tears I cried,
all the nights you didn't come home. 
With every tear I shed
a piece of my heart I lost.
For you having fun,
I'm the one who paid the cost. 

You said you'd never hurt me, 
you promised to never break my heart.
Your promise was broken that night
your words tore me apart. 

The words that came out I could not believe.
How this has happened I couldn't conceive. 
We love each other you said to me,
with those words you destroyed my heart. 
As the tears rolled down my face 
I was slowly falling apart.

You love each other I said?
How long have you know her? 
My past months with you suddenly became a blur. 
We can still be friends you said to me,
All our dreams destroyed due to your unloyalty.

The one I gave my heart for,
the one who said would love me forever more. 
Is the one who threw my world away,
with his words he killed me that day.
That is a day in my life that I will never forget.
You caused me so much pain,
maybe that's why my heart won't let...





© 2002 Poet730 (All rights reserved)

Forget it...


 
In your mind, I know you thought I'd always be there.
Doing what you wanted, thinking I'd always care.
You expect me to forget everything you've done.
You expect me to believe, now I'm the only one.


I can't look you in the eyes and believe what you say.
I don't want to start over the pain just went away.
You expect me to trust you after all the times you lied. You expect me to forget all the nights for you I cried.
You expect me to forget all the pain you caused.
You expect me to believe that without me you're lost.

I can't let myself take you back for a simple reason;
I'm not going to forget, I'm not going to believe.
I don't trust you now or ever, So why don't YOU just forget it????

Forget that you loved me, forget that I cared.
Forget that I exist, or the times that we shared.
Believe there's no hope we'll ever be again.
Forget that you ever knew me my friend.



By Poet730 


© 2001 Poet730 (All rights reserved)

Love affair

This poem was written for a friend who's spouse was hooked on drugs...

Love affair



My world has become so dark and cold,
Since she came into your life.
I thought it would be me forever you'd hold,
but it seems you found a new wife.

Every morning when you wake up,
There's only one thing on your mind.
When and where you'll see her again.
She's become everything,
Your mother, your lover, your best friend.

Little by little our things start to disappear,
seems you'll give anything just to have her near.
You find any excuse to leave for hours at a time.
Then you come back home and expect everything to be fine.

You've driven me to the point of insanity,
I don't know what to say or do.
Sometimes I feel the only way to stop it is to kill you...

I'm beginning to believe that for us there's no hope.
Ever since your love affair began...
Her name is... DOPE.


© 2001 Poet730 (All rights reserved)

Poem for 9/11


Together as one
 
So much tragedy, So much lost...
So many innocent people paying the cost.
All the innocent children that lost a mom or dad.
Everytime I look back on this day it will make me so sad. To look into that empty sky
where those towers use to stand.
All destroyed by some cowards plan.
Their plan was to make us weak,
but they only made us strong.
Together as one we will unite
to put them exactly where they belong...
By Poet730 

First Poem I ever wrote

                               I was about 13 yrs old 


                            Now that you are gone

 

Now that you are gone, I sit here feeling blue;
Wishing that you were here sitting with me too.

All the feelings of what could have been,are all in the past; I didn't see what happened it all just went so fast.

Now that you are gone, my world seems dark and gray.
You were the sunshine of my life but now that you are gone,
I don't see a single ray.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Never forget where youve been

As I was chatting with an old friend today and the current events of my life (I finally made an appt for a consult with a plastic surgeon) He says to me... Once you get where you want to be will you get rid of the pics of the OLD you? I thought about it for a second and said.. no.. Simply because I never want to forget how far I've come and where I've been. I said if we forget where we came from then we will never know where we need to be... and he said If you were where you need to be then you only need to go forward... So I replied.. no matter what u say I won't put what i've been thru behind me it can serve as inspiration for other people and give them hope. I like to give people the hope that no matter how bad they think things are.. that there will be a better day.. and that no matter what they should never give up... :)

Monday, June 6, 2011

Inspiration



Through The Rain lyrics
Songwriters: Cole, Lionel; Carey, Mariah;

When you get caught in the rain
With no where to run
When you're distraught and in pain without anyone
When you keep crying out to be saved

But nobody comes and you feel so far away
That you just can't find your way home
You can get there alone
It's okay, what you say is

I can make it through the rain, I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain

And if you keep falling down, don't you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound, so keep pressing on steadfastly
And you'll find what you need to prevail
What you say is

I can make it through the rain, I can stand up once again on my own
(From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/m/mariah-carey-lyrics/through-the-rain-lyrics.html)
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain

And when the rain blows, as shadows grow close
Don't be afraid, there's nothing you can't face
And should they tell you, you'll never pull through
Don't hesitate, stand tall and say

I can make it through the rain, I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain

I can make it through the rain
As I live once again
And I live one more day
I can make it through the rain
Yes you can
You gonna make it through the rain


© RYE SONGS; SONGS OF UNIVERSAL INC;


Sunday, June 5, 2011

Random thoughts

When I tell people I lived in Florida for 5 years they ask "oh how did you like it down there?" Well to be honest I can't really say I enjoyed living in Florida because the only places I ever went was doctors, hospitals, the supermarket when I was well enough to go and in the final year I actually had a job. My time in Florida I would say was more like a step in my life that I needed to take to get to my final destination. About 2 months after I got there I was admitted to the hospital with congestive heart failure at the age of 29... Yes Doctors were shocked for me to be that young and be so sick but it can happen to anyone... I lay there in that hospital bed at 700+ lbs drowning in my own body not being able to take a deep breath. It's something I remember and never want to experience again. I was also diagnosed with c.o.p.d and a variety of other things. But from that point in my life I knew I had to do something about my weight and it had to happen fast...