My heart won't let

I want to believe you,
but my heart just won't let.
I want to forgive you,
but my mind won't forget.
I want to take your word
that you're sorry for all you've done.
I want to believe you when you say
you were immature and only wanted to have fun.


I wish you knew the pain I felt
when you left me all alone.
I wish I could count the tears I cried,
all the nights you didn't come home.
With every tear I shed
a piece of my heart I lost.
For you having fun,
I'm the one who paid the cost.

You said you'd never hurt me,
you promised to never break my heart.
Your promise was broken that night
your words tore me apart.

The words that came out I could not believe.
How this has happened I couldn't conceive.
We love each other you said to me,
with those words you destroyed my heart.
As the tears rolled down my face
I was slowly falling apart.

You love each other I said?
How long have you know her?
My past months with you suddenly became a blur.
We can still be friends you said to me,
All our dreams destroyed due to your unloyalty.

The one I gave my heart for,
the one who said would love me forever more.
Is the one who threw my world away,
with his words he killed me that day.
That is a day in my life that I will never forget.
You caused me so much pain,
maybe that's why my heart won't let...

By Poet730 (About Poet730)

© 2002 Poet730 (All rights reserved)

Thou shalt not judge...

Last weekend I attended my first Obesity help convention in Long Island NY. I enjoyed myself very much, learned quite few things and also met a lot of nice people who shall remain my friends for a long time.

When a person has weight loss surgery they do it because they want to lose weight right? Well there is a few different percentages... a percentage that does it because they think it's a quick fix/ or they want to lose a few lbs, and a percentage do it because they are trying to save their lives. Myself and a lot of the people I surround myself with did it for the last reason.

I found myself dying at 29 yrs old of congestive heart failure. I was literally drowning in my own body. I weighed 700 lbs if not more. The first time they discharged me from the hospital the doctor that discharged me sent me home with no medications. I was admitted again 10 days later having gained over 75 lbs in fluid. Common sense would tell the average person I did not eat in order to do this. A lot of people assume that I ate myself to 700 lbs. I have been overweight my whole life but never to that point. I had severe sleep apnea for over 10 yrs that went untreated that is what I believe made me go into the congestive heart failure. My sleep apnea was so severe at one sleep study they told me I had stopped breathing 59 times in ONE hour. That's once a minute, longest I stopped was 50 seconds. When I think of how scary that is, it makes me emotional.

At the convention, I met a young man and I say young man because he is 9 years younger than me. I look at him like a little brother. When I heard his story it brought tears to my eyes. He grew up in NJ and about 2 years ago he had WLS to save his life. After suffering a few strokes and ending up in the hospital with a sugar level of 1932, no that is not a typo... 1932 it was amazing that he was even speaking or not in a coma. He is currently pursuing his singing career. I did pull him aside after he performed at the event and he told me to be honest when he first saw me he thought I was in the process of getting surgery but when he asked me my story and I told him I used to weigh 700 lbs he just about fell on the floor. He looked me up and down and said omg.. give me a hug... and I knew and felt that he was a genuine person. I spoke to him a few times that night and even though everyone thought I was flirting, I was not. I truly was interested in speaking to him, we connected because we had suffered through something that could have killed us both. Since the day we met we have spoken everyday whether online or on the phone. He is truly an inspiration. Although he says he looks up to me more than I look up to him. :) I'm trying to educate him on how to live after surgery so he doesn't suffer side effects and so he stays healthy. I know he is going to make it big when he gets to California.

The reason for the title to this blog is I heard through the grapevine the following comment: "Those people that started out weighing 6 or 700 lbs and are still half their weight should stop trying to be WLS advocates and go lose the rest of their weight." I know this comment was not personally directed at me, but the comment hurts none the less. Who is anyone to judge what anyone has been through? No matter what the reason we had weight loss surgery we all, well I can't say all the majority of people have it to be healthier, so they can live longer and be around for their loved ones. NO ONE should ever judge someone just because they are still over a certain weight, you don't know how far that person has come or what they have been through. No matter how we do it losing weight and trying to stay healthy is hard.

My whole reason for starting this blog was to record my experiences and also give anyone who may think that all hope is lost.. there is still hope. To help them believe that no matter how hard or hopeless things seem to be it can get better...
So when you see someone don't ever judge them. You never know what a person has been through unless you have walked a day in their shoes.


I'm going to post my little brother Bryson's links. He has started a blog, a fan page and I know he is going to be a big STAR!

Facebook fan page: https://www.facebook.com/BRYSONBMONEY
Blog: http://brysonsj.tumblr.com/
Webpage: http://BRYSONSJ.COM